DUDE! Where's My Firebolt?!?!
by Miss Aruri
Summary: A parody to 'Dude Where's My Car' and other funny movies and shows and such starring Harry, Ron, and some other peeps! It's really funny!
1. The Potion and Snape's Porn

DUDE! Where's My Firebolt?  
  
1 By: Miss Aruri  
  
Disclaimer: Nobody in this fic is mine accept the ones that don't belong to J.K….if there are any…ok…  
  
AN: As you can see, this is like a spoof on 'Dude! Where's my car?'. But since I never saw that movie, it's kind of hard. So I'm making it a parody to lots of movies, not just 'Dude Where's My Car'…and if you're lucky, I might add some T.V. shows too!  
  
1.1 PART I  
  
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Harry Potter and Ron Weasly were sitting in Potions class while Snape was hollering at Neville for melting his fiftieth cauldron in his years at Hogwarts. They were all in their 7th year.  
  
"Blah blah blah…stupid boy…blah blah blah…pay money…blah blah blah…twenty points from Griffyndor…blah blah blah…detention…blah blah blah…" Snape was getting very boring. He had been acting very strange that day (for him it's normal, right?). He threw random ingredients onto students' desks and muttered "Experiment." Before sitting down at his desk reading a porn magazine, which was hidden inside a potions book.  
  
Ron and Harry, who were partners, were trying to figure out what the letters that had formed in their potion were saying. Ron and Harry shrugged. "Oh well…" Harry muttered. "I guess we'll never know." Ron said, looking very depressed.  
  
One hour later, Snape mumbled something that sounded like 'drink your god damn potions and let me read my porn.'. With a shrug, the students all drank their potions.  
  
There were some very weird side effects indeed. Neville had turned into an anteater, Parvati's skin turned green, and Hermione was growing trees out of her ears. But the funniest of all was Draco, who had grown enormous boobs, which sent the class into uncontrollable laughter.  
  
Luckily, Harry and Ron's potions didn't give them anything to worry about.  
  
For now, at least…  
  
(AN: I was going to end it here as a cliffhanger, but it'd be too short, so I won't.)  
  
A few hours later, Harry was flying through the air on his Firebolt looking for the golden snitch. Griffyndor was playing gay little Hufflepuff, who were losing. Ron was cheering for Harry. For some weird reason, none of the other Slytherins or Griffyndors were at the game (probably from the potion).  
  
Halfway through the game, the potions began to take their toll on Harry and Ron. Harry stopped his broom high in the air and stared in a daze. Ron, too, was staring out at nothing. After many minutes, they sprang back to life, but they were different…somehow…  
  
With an almighty roar, Ron leaped out onto the field and began his attempts to make snow angels on the grass.  
  
Harry had gotten horny. He was trying to fuck everything that came his way, including his Firebolt. But seeing the bludger shoot across the sky, his eyes lit up. Faster than lightning, still fucking his broom (talented boy, eh?), Harry chased the bludger. After a while, it turned around and headed straight for Harry.  
  
Ron was still making snow/grass angels.  
  
"FUCK ME, BLUDGER!!!!" Harry shouted as the bludger hit him in the chest. The Firebolt tipped downwards and he crashed at 90 mphs into Ron, who was still making snow/grass angels and singing Christmas carols.  
  
**BOOM!!!!**  
  
Nobody even noticed or cared.  
  
Oh, by the way, Hufflepuff won.  
  
(AN: HERE'S my cliffhanger. Don't worry. Chapter two's up soon. Please Read and Review!) 


	2. DUDE! Where's my Firebolt?!?!

DUDE! Where's My Firebolt?  
  
1 By: Miss Aruri  
  
Disclaimer: Nobody in this fic is mine accept the ones that don't belong to J.K….if there are any…ok…  
  
AN: As you can see, this is like a spoof on 'Dude! Where's my car?'. But since I never saw that movie, it's kind of hard. So I'm making it a parody to lots of movies, not just 'Dude Where's My Car'…and if you're lucky, I might add some T.V. shows too!  
  
YAY! I got part II up! I told u it wouldn't take long!  
  
1.1 PART II  
  
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Many hours later (nobody knows…), Harry and Ron coincidentally woke up at the same time with a loud groan.  
  
"GROAN!" Harry and Ron groaned, and what a groanifull groan it was! Neither of them were wearing their shirts and they both had bad hangovers. Just then, Harry freaked out.  
  
"DUDE! Where's my Firebolt?!?!" Harry shouted. Ron looked around and freaked out too.  
  
"Where's your Firebolt, DUDE?!?!" He shouted, jumping to his feet.  
  
"DUDE! Where's my Firebolt?!?!" Harry shouted again, his face turning red.  
  
"Where's your Firebolt, DUDE?!?!" Ron shouted again, his already red face turning redder.  
  
"DUDE!" They both shouted at the same time. As Harry turned around to look for his beloved Firebolt (DUDE!), Ron jumped up and down with excitement.  
  
"HEY MAN! You got a tattoo!!!" He shouted, pointing to the tattoo on Harry's back.  
  
"Hey, really? What does it say?" Harry asked, trying to look at the tattoo on his back. "It says 'I'm gay.'" Ron reads.  
  
"You are?" Harry asks. "Gee I never knew." (**shrug**) The two of them turn around and Harry shrieks. "HEY MAN! You got a tattoo too!!!"  
  
Ron totally flips his shit! "COOL man! What does mine say?" "Yours says 'And I fuck Draco daily.'" Ron reads, raising a brow.  
  
They turn around again and Ron reads Harry's tattoo. "I'M GAY!"  
  
They turn around again. "AND I FUCK DRACO DAILY!" Harry screams.  
  
(repeat)  
  
"I'M GAY!"  
  
"AND I FUCK DRACO DAILY!"  
  
"I'M GAY!" "AND I FUCK DRACO DAILY!"  
  
"I'M GAY AND I FUCK DRACO DAILY!!!" They both end up shouting as loud as they can, exchanging high fives.  
  
…  
  
But then they realize the truth…  
  
"I am?" Ron asks, confused.  
  
"Yea," Harry says. "I guess you're gay and fuck Draco daily."  
  
Ron shakes his head. "No…No, man. I would've known if I fucked Draco daily and if I was gay..." **blinks** "I think…?"  
  
"Let's think about it!" Harry suggests. Ron agrees.  
  
After hours of thinking, Harry has a better idea.  
  
"Hey! I have a better idea!" (AN: OOOOOOO!!! I LUV being author!)  
  
"What?" Ron asks.  
  
"Let's go find my Firebolt!" Harry shouts, sounding like a leader.  
  
"Ok." Ron says simply.  
  
And the two set off on the adventure to find Harry's Firebolt. **Drumroll** What will happen next???  
  
AN: Ok…ok…kind of pointless chapter. The next one's gonna be better. I promise. Review are always welcome…flames are not…so…don't flame! Just review! 


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